Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not physical violence alone. Domestic violence is any behavior the purpose of which is to gain power and control over a spouse, partner, girl/boyfriend or intimate family member. Abuse is a learned behavior; it is not caused by anger, mental problems, drugs or alcohol, or other common excuses.

Types of abuse & control can be:

  • Emotional abuse:

Possessiveness; isolation; jealousy; threats of arrests or child protection reports; the feeling of walking on eggshells; the feeling you can never do enough or anything right; “gas lighting,” or calling you and/or your suspicions crazy; using past or current substance abuse to keep you from leaving.

  • Verbal abuse:

Name calling, especially in front of children; belittling; threatening to kill you, themselves or your pets; “If I can’t have you, no one can.”

  • Physical abuse:

  Keeping you awake at night; choking; not allowing you to leave or be alone in a room; throwing and breaking items, including cell phones; hitting, punching, and kicking; hurting family pets; pressure to engage in unwanted sexual activity such as not using a condom or outright sexual assault.

  • Financial Abuse:

Not allowing you to work or not working themselves (either creates financial instability to keep you from leaving); withholding money; giving you an “allowance” for food or gas; withholding access to bank cards and accounts; withholding access to vehicles or the home.

Power and Control Wheel

power and control

WARNING SIGNS

Everyone and every relationship are different but listed below can be some general red flags:

  1. Moving the relationship along very quickly even if it’s uncomfortable for you (example: pressuring for intercourase, or moving in together)
  2. Keeping you from friends and family and maybe even work (example: saying “they don’t have your best interest in mind, only I do.”)
  3. Demanding to check your phone and asking for passwords to your social media accounts
  4. Showing anger, a short temper, and an inability to cope; blaming everyone else for this behavior

Videos from Onelove

Ted Talk: Why victims don't leave