Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not physical violence alone.

Are you a victim of domestic violence?

Domestic violence is any behavior the purpose of which is to gain power and control over a spouse, partner, girl/boyfriend or intimate family member. Abuse is a learned behavior; it is not caused by anger, mental problems, drugs or alcohol, or other common excuses.

Types of abuse and control

Emotional abuse

Possessiveness
Isolation
Jealousy
Threats of arrests or child protection reports
The feeling of walking on eggshells
The feeling you can never do enough or anything right
“Gas lighting” or calling you and/or your suspicions crazy
Using past or current substance abuse to keep you from leaving

Physical abuse

Keeping you awake at night
Choking you
Not allowing you to leave or be alone in a room
Throwing and breaking items, including cell phones
Hitting, punching, and kicking
Hurting family pets
Pressure to engage in unwanted sexual activity such as not using a condom or outright sexual assault

Verbal abuse

Name calling, especially in front of children
Belittling you
Threatening to kill you, themselves, or your pets
“If I can’t have you, no one can.”

Financial Abuse

Not allowing you to work or not working themselves (either creates financial instability to keep you from leaving)
Withholding money
Giving you an “allowance” for food or gas
Withholding access to bank cards and accounts
Withholding access to vehicles or the home

Every minute

people

experience intimate partner violence in the United States

Over

of women

0 %

have encountered contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime

Power and control

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control. Below you’ll find information taken from the Power and Control Wheel created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, MN.

Physical & sexual violence — the outer ring of control

Physical and sexual violence often reinforce the regular use of more subtle methods of control used on a continuing basis.

The more subtle methods of control

Using coercion and threats

Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you
Threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, or report you to welfare
Making you drop charges
Making you do illegal things

Using intimidation

Making you afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures
Smashing things
Destroying her property
Abusing pets
Displaying weapons

Using emotional abuse

Putting you down
Making you feel bad about yourself
Calling you names
Making you think you’re crazy
Playing mind games
Humiliating you
Making you feel guilty

Using isolation

Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, and where you go
Limiting your outside involvement
Using jealousy to justify actions

Minimizing, denying, and blaming

Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously
Saying the abuse didn’t happen
Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior
Saying you caused it

Using children

Making you feel guilty about the children
Using the children to relay messages
Using visitation to harass you
Threatening to take the children away

Using male privilege

Treating you like a servant
Making all the big decisions
Acting like the “master of the castle”
Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles

Using economic abuse

Preventing you from getting or keeping a job
Making you ask for money
Giving you an allowance
Taking your money
Not letting you know about or have access to family income

Questions about forming a safety plan?

Call our Crisis Hotline at (941) 627-6000, or our Englewood Area Help Line at (941) 475-6465.

You can also text us at (941) 499-8534.

General red flags

Moving the relationship along very quickly even if it’s uncomfortable for you. For example pressuring for intercourse or moving in together.
Keeping you from friends and family, and maybe even work. For example, saying, “they don’t have your best interest in mind, only I do.”

Demanding to check your phone and asking for passwords to your social media accounts.
Showing anger, a short temper, and an inability to cope, and blaming everyone else for this behavior.

Domestic violence and health insurance protections

Going through domestic violence or abuse is really tough, but you have the strength to move forward and take care of yourself. One way to do this is by getting your own health insurance instead of relying on your spouse or family member’s plan. This can help you become more independent.

Most people can only sign up for health insurance during a special time called open enrollment, which happens at the end of the year, and usually lasts a bit over a month. But if you go through a big life change, called a Qualifying Life Event (QLE), you might be able to sign up anytime. Sadly, these events often include negative experiences like losing a job, the death of someone close, or domestic violence. If you are experiencing one of these situations, you won’t have to wait for the open enrollment period.

Domestic violence video resources

From One Love Foundation

Recent domestic violence articles

Click on any title below to be taken to the full article.

Looking for more domestic violence resources?

Are you interested in more resources, guides, and tools to help you in your domestic violence situation? Click on the button below to visit DomesticShelters.org Help page full of information on how to get help or escape.